Political Jackass

• A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

  The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re 30 feet above sea level. You are at 31degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.”

  She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Democrat.”

  “I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?” Read more…

Dear Red States:

We’re ticked off at the way you’ve treated California, and we’ve decided we’re leaving.

We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren’t aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of New California. Read more…

Q:How many conservatives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to screw it in, and four to hate gay people.

What do you get when you cross a Republican with a Christian?
I don’t know, but you better keep it away from your uterus.

Things Republicans Believe

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness. Read more…