More Jokes to Lighten Up Your Day
- A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re 30 feet above sea level. You are at 31degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.”
She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Democrat.”
“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”
The man smiled and responded, “You must be a Republican.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”
“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, then you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met but, somehow, now it’s my fault.”
- A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington DC, came to a dead halt in traffic and thought, “Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual.”
He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars so he rolled down his window and asked, “Officer, what’s the hold up?”
The officer replied, “The President is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire.
“He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends, and that nobody is buying his Social Security scam. And to top it off, most of America thinks John Bolton is a screwball!
So we’re taking up a collection for him.”
The lobbyist reached for his wallet. “How much have you got so far?” he asked.
The officer replied, “About forty gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning. “
keep these coming!!